Stubborn Mind... Foolish Heart

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Every day my mind asks me what I am doing…

Why am I staying in this dead end relationship?

But every night when I go home to my lonely room

My heart takes over and before I know it I am at your door.

Just one more chance to touch you, to look into those brown eyes, just one more chance to say that I love you, to show you that I love you…

I know in my mind that I am not what you want…

If I was, you would be mine… but you aren’t…

If I was, then you would see the pain that you are putting my heart through and you would show me you love me…

If I was, then you would promise me forever and mean it…
But my foolish heart just refuses to move on…

I think during the day that I am going to walk away… that I am going to throw myself into seeing other people and get over you; but at night, my heart breaks at the thought of being in anyone’s arms but yours… at night my heart rules and my head is put to sleep.

During the day I am depressed and disappointed in myself for being weak and staying with you…
But at night it is the only place I can be…

My heart keeps saying tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow… tomorrow will be the day that I will walk away… I storm to your room all full of righteous indignation for you stringing me along… telling myself that I am going to rip in to you and tell you to KISS MY ASS!!! Then you walk through your door and all my anger just melts at the sight of you… All my righteous indignation is put to rest as I listen to your day… All my hurt burns away in the strength of the love I have for you…

I don’t know that I will always be this way… I certainly hope not…

Sometimes I pray that you will run from me… that you will shove me aside and break my heart completely so that I can heal… but for now… my heart breaks with the rising sun and heals with the setting of it… and I am lost in you…

Lost in your smile, in your eyes, in your life and your problems, in your issues and complaints… I love you far more than I love myself and so I suffer through the unanswered questions and the unrequited love and the agony of being last in your life… the agony of knowing that my heart is your home but yours is not mine…

It does me no good to complain because this is a self made hell and if I was half the man I ought to be I would walk away… but my heart… my ever hopeful, ever naïve, ever longing heart…. Won’t let me…

I love you. totally, unconditionally… I love you and it eat's me bit by bit.

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"When you break up with someone you move on. You don't really want to move on... but you have to because they don't give you any choice."

Jan Ashlee